Sunday 3 August 2014

Time is a valuable thing

Firstly i'd just like to start off by apologising for my absence from blogging for the past month or so. It would seem that life got in the way a little bit, what with graduation, finding a job and a house to live in. I also hadn't felt inspired to write anything, maybe because i actually felt genuinely happy for a long while (yay me!).  I guess that's how you feel when you achieve something, especially when you weren't sure about going to university in the first place. Well i did it and i made it through and i don't regret it one bit. In fact, i'm so grateful to my parents for encouraging me to go. If i hadn't, i wouldn't have made the fabulous friends that i have today (nor would i have achieved getting a degree which is pretty special in itself).

Anyway, this post, as the title suggests, is all about time and how it seems to slip through your fingers. I look back and i can't believe how quickly 3 years of my life has gone. It seems like only yesterday when i was nervously stood outside of Simpsons Halls, unsure of whether i'd made the right decision. I remember feeling a sense of complete panic when my parents left and i almost felt like running down the road after them screaming 'Wait! You left me behind!!' But that feeling didn't last long as the people in my flat made me feel welcome. It helped that we were all in the same boat, all nervous and unsure. And then, in the blink of an eye, i'm graduating, surrounded by people who i love and couldn't have made it through without. I'm a new, confident person, able to speak to strangers rather than sit in the corner of the room and not say anything. Not only that, but i now have my first ever full time job and i can't help but think 'Where did my childhood go?' I feel like i want time to slow down a bit and let me breathe!

It's funny, isn't it, how when you are young all you want is for time to hurry up. You watch the clock in the classroom, counting down the minutes until school is over and you can go home. Even during the summer holidays, about halfway through when you're getting a bit bored, i used to think 'Oh i hope school hurries up so i can see my friends'. You can't wait for it all to be over, GCSEs, A-levels, everything. You don't appreciate the fact that time is precious and that sooner, rather than later, it will run out. I think of all the missed opportunities that i had. God, i sound very old talking about 'missed opportunities' but it is how i feel at the moment. Maybe it's because i'm in a new era of my life, i'm no longer a student. After 16 years of education, it's time for me to move into the working world. And maybe that's why i can finally appreciate how important time is and how we need to make the most of it.

But on the flip side of this, it's strange how as humans, we are the only ones who measure time. Maybe if our life wasn't so controlled by what hour it is in the day or what day it is in the month, we'd actually be able to live in the moment. We'd be able to enjoy the small things in life that, as we rush around now, we miss. Things like how beautiful it is to watch the sun slip down behind the horizon. Or how amazing it is to watch a flower slowly bloom. We are constantly rushing around from here to there, never happy to just sit down and stop, never taking a few minutes just to realise how amazing the world really is. Because a side effect of measuring time is that it will inevitably run out. Whether it's the hours in the day, or the months in a year, there is an end. And we spend our lives worrying about when this end will be. I don't necessarily mean death, even the smallest of things like worrying about the hours left until a deadline or the hours left of a weekend before it's back to work.

And for me, a consequence of time inevitably running out is that i can't help but think of my grandparents. I look at my grandparents and think 'They aren't as young as they used to be'. I feel like i never appreciated going to see them when i was younger, that i never really appreciated the time that i spent with them. Maybe that's just how my anxious mind works though - i always worry about everything and everyone. (Plus i'm very good at jumping to the worst possible scenario). I'm not sure what it is but i feel like there were a lot of missed opportunities where i could have taken the time to see them but chose not to instead. Maybe this is just a side effect of growing up and being able to appreciate things. When you're young, you always take it for granted that your parents, grandparents, any relatives, will always be there. And it isn't until you are older that you realise that this isn't the case. I know this sounds very depressing, but it is true.

There is nothing that we can do about time running out nor is there anything we can do about it slipping between our fingers. But we can appreciate the time that we have with our loved ones, we can appreciate the little things. And maybe we can try and take 5 minutes every now and then to just sit and think and enjoy life. Maybe we should all try to live in the moment a bit more, rather than worrying about what lies ahead.

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