Wednesday 18 June 2014

My name is Georgie and I'm an emotional wreck

Well as the title suggests this is a post/rant about what it's like to be an emotional wreck. For starters you never know what is going to set you off; maybe that really cute fluffy puppy or maybe a slightly emotional advert (I'm looking at you Pets at Home with your cute animals and children being best friends that makes me well up every time it comes on the TV). It might even be during the BAFTAs when a montage of Julie Walters' work is shown (yes this did happen). Of course, they always say that it is a good thing to be in touch with your emotions, in fact, crying can sometimes be healthy. But then there's me. Anyone who knows me knows how much i cry. Crying is my go to reaction to lots of things; stress, anger, happiness, hysteria, cuteness, tiredness, basically everything. I'm not really sure why i'm like this. It's safe to say that i think i've only ever seen my dad cry twice and my mum only really cries when we've had to have one of our animals put down or if there's a particularly sad movie on. Now i do know that my brother is quite in touch with his emotions (especially when alcohol is involved). The fact that when we went to my cousin's wedding we were about the only two people in the whole place crying during the speeches is testament to that (even our cousin's sisters weren't crying!) So it's nice to know that i'm not the only one in the family who likes a good cry (he is going to hate me for this....Sorry Will!) But no one is as bad as me.

The worst is when I'm having one of those I've-started-crying-and-now-it-won't-stop moments. When the flood gates have been opened that it's, i'm gone. I'm a mess of tears, mascara, snot, hiccuped breathing, all of it. Crying is definitely not an attractive trait. In fact, i'm not sure how actors make themselves look relatively normal when they are crying. Even the slightest amount of tears will make my eyes go red and puffy, my nose goes red, i get the whole wobbly lip thing. So not only am i an emotional wreck, i'm also an ugly crier. Yay for me! I hate it when i'm having an argument and i start crying because then i find it extremely difficult to say anything or stand up for myself. I just close up and can't speak and then i get the panicked breathing/crying thing that is just brilliant. And that just makes whoever i'm arguing with even more angry at me because i freeze up and can't speak.

'Just get a grip' i hear you shout. Believe me i've tried! I keep trying! I look up, which is supposedly meant to help stop tears, but has never really worked for me. I try taking a few deep breaths. I try to distract myself. Nothing seems to work particularly well. We had our Graduation Ball last Friday and i was a complete wreck that night. It was slightly more understandable as we are all leaving uni and won't be seeing each other as much as we have over the past few years (and of course alcohol was involved), but i was the only one who properly cried out of my friends. Of course, they expected nothing less from me having spent 3 years dealing with my ability to cry at everything and anything. But once it started, i couldn't stop. Graduation i'm sure will be another week of tears for me, although hopefully i will be able to keep them at bay until after my photo has been taken!

God knows what i'll be like when i have children of my own. Watching 'One Born Every Minute' is definitely dangerous territory for me. And any programme that involves baby animals. In fact, just being around babies (of all species) can be a dangerous emotional-wreck-inducing situation. Every time i hold a baby, i can feel the tears stinging at my eyes.  I'm hoping that this is a slightly more normal thing to cry at....i mean it is pretty amazing and magical how that tiny human develops. Animals are also dangerous territory, especially if they are injured or have to be put down or something similarly sad (don't even get me started on 'Marley and Me', i don't think i've ever cried so much at a film). It's not just TV that make me cry, books do it too. Or even an emotional news story. To be honest, anything remotely sad or emotional can set me off.

I'm sure i'm not alone in this although i definitely think i am quite young to be such an emotional wreck. It's definitely more understandable when you are older, but i'm 21 years old and i'm pretty sure i've cried more than anyone in my family has, and with a combined age of 126 years, that's saying something. Who knows why i'm like this?! I certainly don't but it's something that i've had to deal with. It's just another part of who i am, albeit a very annoying part of who i am. Because there's being in touch with your emotions and then there's me.

2 comments:

  1. hey you haven't posted in a while, everything okay? love the blog! from your secret admirer hehe x

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    1. Hey secret admirer :P Everything's fine, just haven't had any inspiration for a post. Might go on a rant about cuts to the mental health budget soon, but been having writer's block! x

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